I committed a crime two days ago. I movie-hopped. I paid for Stardust and snuck into No Reservations. Whatever, call the cops. But a life of international intrigue ruled itself out, since I was god-awful at the stealth and secrecy. I couldn't find No Reservations, so I conspicuously wandered around the theater, carrying a large blue towel since my plan was to hit the beach at some point. I tried to think of excuses in case one of the theater employees stopped me, knowing full well that if I was caught I would just gurgle and start sweating, so I decided instead that I could take them all with a combination of judo, kicking ass, and trickery with the towel. Thankfully, the employees of the 3rd street Promenade AMC are blessed with what Tyra calls the "dead eyes"- a hurdle towards becoming America's Next Top Model but excellent for getting away with petty crimes - and didn't care enough about the theater, the movie industry or capitalism to pay any attention to my stolen double-feature. Stardust was nice and magical and No Reservations was tolerable, probably due to the knowledge that I didn't pay for it, and I'll probably watch it again when it comes on Lifetime in about two years, since it has pretty shiny people, subtly melodramatic music and the message that Love Rocks, and I'm a sucker for that shit.
Speaking of love, did anyone else tear up slightly when Spencer proposed to Heidi on the Hills? If you did, holla. Yes, I understand that Spencer's a toolbox and Heidi's a ninny and the whole thing is terribly, painfully, obviously scripted, but that mess was touching, y'all. Somebody at MTV needs to get their ass over to Hallmark and start making greeting-card magic.
That's the second post in a row where I mention the Hills. I must seem a Loser with a capital L on my forehead. Get off, it's research, and MTV reality programming is the pot of gold at the end of an already beautiful TV rainbow. And when we play Trivial Pursuit: Millennium Edition, I'll BUST IT UP with my Arts & Leisure knowledge, and my team will get the pie piece, win the game, and drink up all the beer 'cause we brought our A GAME. Who's laughing now?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Not to get all high brow on you, but if you've already sat through No Reservations, do me a fave-sky and check out Mostly Martha some time-- it's the German movie that No Reservations ripped right off. I really liked it, and while it's still all pro-Love Rocks and sh*t, I think the Germs are better at doing that in a subtle way-- but then again, I have a cold, black heart, so maybe that's why I like the Germs' treatment.
Also, I am trying really hard not to judge about the Hills, but you can NOT like the PRATT, or find anything associated with him at all touching. I mean, her response to his sorta-proposal was basically "everyone is wrong, see, you're not a toolbox," which is not exactly a wild and ringing "yes, of course!" Ooops... did I just give away that I watched the whole terrible episode?
p.s. Speaking of Losers with a capital L, I participated in a trivia game recently where I inadvertently admitted to a respected professor that I knew exactly who sang Bad Medicine. I can see the recommendation letter now.
I have nothing of worth to add, other than that you are hilarious. Seriously, I felt like someone was shooting me (with... um... humor?) when I was reading your post.
1. But, did Spencer technically propose? He just gurgled some, "You are so amazing and real," bullshit, handed Heidi that enormous and ill-fitting bauble, and she just sort of ASSUMED he proposed. I don't remember her saying yes either...What if it was just a "promise ring?" Can someone please tell me what a promise ring is??
2. Since you're doing so much TV research, I thought I should recommend The Pick-Up Artist on VH1. These 3 guys - Mystery, Matador, and What's His Name - give pick-up advice to a group of awkward but lovable guys and then throw them into the bullpen (i.e. the club) to test their aptitude. What makes it awesome is that Mystery (who basically claims he can pick up anyone in a club) wears these ridiculous goggles on his forehead and has a tattoo of a woman's lips on his neck. Apparently, that's the sort of thing that fabulous women like us want in a man. AWESOME.
Post a Comment