Mind your pews and keys

My roommate has told me for 9 years that I should floss. I hate good habits, so when she tells me about flossing, I hear, "mmmmmm teeth mmmmmmmm gums mmmmmmm." Today, she spoke to me about flossing, and I promptly blocked it out....but 5 minutes later, a wretched notion stole into my large, slow head. I thought, "Man, I should really start flossing! Something tells me that's a good idea!" So I bounded to the bathroom, stole some of her floss (thanks!) and began an enthusiastic pursuit of good dental hygiene. I was my own best cheerleader, chanting into the mirror, "Yeah! Check you out! You are totally flossin, bad boy!" Five seconds later I realized that I had forgotten how to floss. The floss kept slipping out of my fingers. I googled "how to floss", got impatient with all the advice, did a half-ass job and called it a night. Maybe I'll try again tomorrow, but right now I'm resigned to looking vaguely like Grandpa Simpson in my golden years and only being able to slurp down large bowls of melted cheese. mmmmmm, cheese.