Like a child misses a blanket

I just saw The Bourne Supreme Ultimatum, or whatever its called. I'm wondering how to get involved in a life of international intrigue, where people drive cars really fast and no one goes to the bathroom. Do you just fall into it? Do I have to be in the right place, at the right time, and what time is that? I'm always late, so I need a 15 minute head-start. I did just get my watch fixed, so that's a start. And one might argue that people who lead lives of mystery and intrigue don't use watches, and to that I say, WRONG. Check out Jack Bauer with his schmancy watches that along with telling very good time, also untie ropes and torture people from the Middle East. That's totally sweet.

I read a dear Abby column today where a guy finds a hearing aid behind his wife's pillow, but neither he nor his wife is hearing-impaired. Abby said, wisely, that he should check that out and maybe, um, ask her? I don't understand why he's sitting on this information long enough to contact Abby. If you found something odd in your bed, like a crutch, and nobody has a broken leg - wouldn't you just ask your partner upon discovery? Maybe Abby made it up, 'cause it did sound different in tone than other Abby questions. Uh, not that I would know from being an avid Abby reader or anything. What am I, 60 and wearing a mumu?