Thug it out 'til we get it right

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Long absence. Busy.

So on Sunday night, we went to see Justin Timberlake. That's right. Let that shit sink in for a minute. My little Justin rocked my world with a falsetto, some trashy back-up dancers and a Timbaland appearance which merely involved Timbaland referring to himself in the third person and encouraging the audience to chant his name. All the overproduced stuff aside (which, incidentally, I loved), J.Tim is a consummate performer and an even better dancer than I am. Ok, he's actually a dancer, and I'm a "dancer." Ok, I'm not even a "dancer" but more like a person who likes to dance and does it badly.

Yesterday I wore my Very Expensive Jeans. I won't tell you the price or the brand, but they are in that category of Expensive Jeans where you gag a little when handing over your credit card but then realize that they were entirely worth X dollars. These jeans are magic, like Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants kind of magic, although there's no way in hell I'm sending these jeans to any of you yokels. If you call me up crying and say that you have no pants and the doctor said you could only wear Very Expensive Jeans Brand because of a skin ailment, I will sympathize and tell you that designer clothes are often quite reasonable on eBay. Maybe I will even do a search for you. I wish I knew why they were so expensive and what they do to make them flatter my backside and why they fall so nicely around my boots and why the fabric never feels "jeany" the way that other jeans do on a cold morning when your skin is kind of dry. I now own several items which I use and proclaim to myself, "I cannot go back to the cheaper version." I can't lead a worker's revolution. Take away my party card and Chairman Mao T-shirt, replace with a copy of Atlas Shrugged and Alan Greenspan. I love money.

Also, I'm a little disturbed that I always know the movie that's on the Disney Channel, even if it's a "made for the Disney Channel" movie. Model Behavior? Seen it. Ice Princess? Seen it. Bring it on 2? Oh, have I seen it. I also know who Hannah Montana and Zack & Cody are, and I wish I could erase them and replace that brain space with something more useful....but let's be serious, what could that be? Speaking of gleefully wasted brain space, I watched the season premiere of Gossip Girl and I LOVED IT. Unfairly beautiful and ridiculously rich young people = A GOOD TIME ALWAYS. And such hip and artfully placed music! What a seductive yet edgy criticism of East Coast upper class! TV is back with a vengeance, my friends.

We can walk to the curb from here.

One root of the ant problem was located. The culprit was the spice cabinet. So we removed everything and threw it out, except spices that didn't look compromised. The mission was enriched by the fact that we also found the source of our other infestation, some black beetly guys who move really slowly. They were breeding in a container of Random Indian Spice that my mom gave me to encourage me to cook my people's food. (ha!) But now more beetly things are turning up dead. Did they find out they missed our genocide (calm down, PETA. We just dumped the container in the garbage. They look like tough little, uh, buggers) and died from broken hearts? Are they a different group who heard through the beetlevine that there was a party, helped themselves to the hors d'oeuvres (that was a lot of effort to spell. next time: OR DERVS) and found out that the snacks were actually ant poison? Too bad, so sad, better luck next time- in a different kitchen, in a different house.

My roommate and I are thinking about growing lettuce in our garden. Or, she'll grow the lettuce and I'll eat it. She says that you pluck it one day and it grows back the next, like the loaves and the fishes. It's like having a little bit of Jesus in the backyard. Jesus came to the front door yesterday in the form of some nice lady missionaries who I inwardly blessed because they didn't talk to me, just handed me an informative flyer and left. I was totally on board with the flyer at first - do you want help dealing with life's difficulties? YES. do you want to be closer to God? SURE. do you want to oppose the devil? HM. - that's where things got sticky. I'd rather not oppose the devil because that involves interacting with him and really, he goes about his business, I go about mine, and everything seems ok. I've seen the Exorcist. I know what shit goes down.

Speaking of exorcisms, I went to Macy's over the weekend and splashed holy water over the clothes 'cause they SUCKED in an evil way. Not really, but I wanted to. I did buy a Conditional Skirt. A Conditional Skirt is a skirt that I can wear on the condition that I never eat again. It's ok. That's why God made Ensure. Oh man. My roommate's talking about the all-you-can-eat set fee at Dodger Stadium and GOODBYE to any resolution relating to the skirt. I don't go to baseball games and I can't eat hot dogs, but I'd still eat the hell out of that. I think I would just put my mouth under the Coke spigot - why waste cups? Let's heal the Earth. If anyone asks, I'll say "I have the all-you-can-eat pass, bitches!" Or, rather, "gurgledroolgurgledroolgurgledroolburp bitches!"